My Name is Amelia, and I'm a Sociopath by Brooks Amy D

Author:Brooks, Amy D. [Brooks, Amy D.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2013-06-26T14:00:00+00:00

OVERDOSE BECAME a consuming concern of mine due to the fact that once I had snorted the initial pills, I would often simply wake the following morning to find that I had ingested many, many more despite mine pledging that I would not. Shooting frightened me; I had no idea what I was doing and was dealing with something that was incredibly toxic.

I was mainlining while in blackouts, finding my needles in varying locations and my stash of china depleted without any memory of having shot. Having had the experiences of overdosing three times in the prior two years, I became intensely paranoid that I would kill myself this time.

I had to push away my growing anxieties as I continued to discover empty pill bottles and bags of smack that were full when I had blacked-out. Thirty-count prescriptions were disappearing in only two or three days; I no longer had any control over my addictions.

Every day, I would have to conduct the grody rising rituals of the drug addict. I would heave above the bathroom sink, hacking mucus and blood from my throat, followed by the painful process of using a dampened ear swab to remove the scabbing in my nasal passages that had taken hold while I was sleeping. Once I had finished clearing-up the prior day’s remains, I would bang-up my first shot of the morning and start all over again.

I can recall standing in the mirror staring myself down one morning. Not recognizing my own reflection and being so high that I assumed this woman was another person, I became devastated by the realization that I was the same sad little girl that I had been at age fourteen, only now I was not a cute blow-up doll with a red-celled heating system, I was a grizzled heroin aficionada on an emotional deathbed.

I declared out-loud with a melancholic rage, “You stupid bitch, you’re going to kill me.”

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